I hate feeling this way

I used to be skinny. Not really skinny, just slender.

Then when I started work, it was so easy to get pressured into finishing everything on my plate even if it made me feel sick. Coupled with my sedentary lifestyle in the office, I gained a couple of kilos.

Then University was worse. The portions were huge. All the Nasi Goreng Cina, Nasi Goreng whatever were so huge. And I always had pressure to eat all of it. That's why I prefer to eat at the economy rice now. I can pick and choose my portions which usually I will finish.

It hit me. Someone posted a few pictures of me and it really hit me. I'm not skinny anymore. I'm not just not skinny. I'm actually plump. My BMI is unreliable because I used to be active. I have no idea of knowing how much of my weight lies in the muscle in my legs and my beautiful arse.

Don't get me wrong. I cycle. It's not easy to cycle around in UPM. A trip around the campus is about 1 km. I do about 2, 3 km a day. Sometimes 4 if I'm going in and out. It gave me really nice muscled legs.

It's just all the weight in the middle. I would say I don't have time but that's not really true. I don't like sit ups. I don't like pushups. I sure as hell hate Jogging. I'm supposed to cardio three times a week. Do some High Intensity Strength Training. Fast a couple of days so I can get my weight down and get my stomach flatter.

I like dancing. I enjoy Judo. I like swimming. These are the things I like but either don't have the time to do or don't have the place to do it.

And I'm supposed to diet.

Food is one of my greatest weaknesses. I've spent most of my life on a high protein diet which was pretty much negated by dancing and running around being an idiot. Now, I'm in the lab half the day. The other half is spent at the computer either writing reports, reading articles or writing things and designing things.

I just...

I don't know. A little voice is saying I have to buck up now cause I'm 22. I'm 22 and it should be pie to burn off all the fat from my middle (but then my new boobs will go too.) but another is insisting that I feel perfectly fine. THen another says I feel fine now but will I feel fine two years down the line?