Somehow, looking back in my life, I have never belonged to any clique, any group or any gang. Not really, never. Perhaps it was the lack of effort on my part, or maybe I was never that similar but it never really bothered me. Cause as long as people accepted how weird I supposedly was, I was pretty happy.
Even now in University. It’s the third sem, second year and I see the gap between myself and my course mates. It is so wide that I wonder if I should even bother to build a bridge. I don’t know if this is my fault for not paying enough attention to them or is it just that we have nothing in common? Different interests maybe? If it’s my fault, I apologize. I apologize for anything stupid I said because I didn’t realise it was offensive. I apologize for not telling you things and not helping you guys when you needed it.
But if you really don’t want me to be a part of you guys, I will accept that because you guys are capable of making your own decisions. And you don’t have to tell me what you decided. Just drop by and say hi sometimes. Thanks for all the times you guys included me. Thanks for all the times you guys helped me. I wish I could have done more for you.
I don’t really fit in with the seniors. I don’t really fit in with the juniors. I don’t remember fitting in with my high-school friends. I don’t really fit in with my colleagues. I’m not committed to any one thing. I’m not needed despite how much I wish I were. I’m replaceable. You can replace me with someone more capable, less weird.
I’m used to being tolerated, hand-waved and brushed off. I’m used to being alone. It’s just about the only thing I really know.
I’m thankful for you and you. You two know who you are. I thank God everyday for you two. Thanks for accepting me and loving me.
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